As I’m sure you’ve noticed, I’ve not been writing recently.
I feel like I’m stuck in kind of a rut. I just seem to be enveloped in a cloak of apathy most of the time and that doesn’t exactly make for funny posts. So I’ve decided to put FwF on hiatus for a bit to give myself time.
Knowing it’s sat here waiting for content is putting pressure on me to write and the more I try to write, the worse it is. I figure that if I put it on hiatus, I can write if I want to without the pressure that another Monday has come and gone without a new post.
I’m hoping Christmas might jump me out of this slump and I can get back to writing in the New Year. Who knows…
What I do know is that, up until I stopped writing, I was getting more hits which, although good, increased the pressure on me to fill the site with worthwhile content.
I am a very self-analytical person and, usually, my own hardest critic. Now every line I write seems like crap and even on the odd occasion I write a line I actually like I can’t seem to link it to more to create an actual paragraph. The chance of managing a complete post is nigh on zero.
One of the most irritating things about it is that I do have some good ideas sat in my drafts; ideas that could become good posts and one that could become an easy and reliable way to post new content every week. I just can’t write them.
I suppose it all comes down to the fact that my biggest fear is failure and every time I try and write and all that comes out is crap I know I’ve failed and then the next time I think about writing I don’t even want to pick up my laptop because I know there’s a damn good chance I will fail all over again.
I saw this picture today and it brought home how much all this is affecting me:
Normally I would have been like the rest of the internet community and had a good old laugh at this picture but today it just made me really sad. In case you don’t know, the old fella on the right is famous Comic book author, Stan Lee and the guy on the left is dressed as Wolverine, one of Lee’s most famous characters.
This picture makes me sad because this is probably the happiest day of that guy’s life and now people are mocking him on the internet. Yes, he’s fat; yes, he’s most likely a massive loser who lives in his Mum’s basement but on that day he was fucking Wolverine and he got to meet Stan Lee and have his picture taken with him. You can see it in his body language: The way he’s holding his hands like a little girl meeting a big movie star, the slightly bewildered smile as his mind rushes to process what is happening.
He probably has that photo framed in a place of honour.
Now imagine you’re that guy and you see this on the internet. Imagine how it would feel to know that your proudest moment is the butt of an internet joke. Imagine looking at that picture with fresh eyes, rather than the rose coloured spectacles you’ve always seen it with before, and seeing what everybody else sees.
That’s how I feel.
I don’t actually expect anybody to be reading this but, if you are and you have been where I am and got past it, please tell me how. I’m sick of feeling like this.