On Disappointment

I am a creature of habit.
I have my little rituals and I don’t like them to be fucked about with.
This is partly from necessity; I will forget to do things if I don’t do them out of habit. I have a memory like a really shitty sieve. A sieve that’s had a really fucking hard life, all rusty and full of holes.
I have poor information retention, is what I’m saying.

Tell me a piece of important information, it’s gone in five minutes. On a good day.
But tell me a useless fact about Wombats and I will never, ever forget it.
Isn’t the human mind a wonderful thing!

Due to my nature of habit-out-of-necessity, coupled with my OCD tendencies, other random things I do regularly, at a certain time or place, become habit and when they get fucked up, it ruins everything.

I pick up my other half most evenings at a tram stop near my work. Because of the difference between the time I finish work and the time her tram arrives I generally sit in the car for the best part of an hour and read my book.
During this time I like to enjoy a packet of Walkers Salt and Shake crisps.
This started as me doing that once, deciding it was good and doing it again. I now always take a pack just for that. I’m often not even hungry but I will eat them anyway. It’s part of my routine.
Plus, I fucking love Salt and Shake.


Today, however, I opened my Salt and Shake and found it lacking. There was no Salt sachet in my Salt and Shake.

What. The. Fuck.


However, I know opportunity when I see it and I also know from past events (involving Fox’s Echo Biscuits and unreasonable biscuit/delicious minty filling ratios) that if you email them to tell them their product was below par they will often send you vouchers. I learnt this from a work-mate, many years ago, who did it as a hobby, just to see what he could blag for free. A lot of stuff, apparently. I tried it with Fox’s and got a load of vouchers. Then the chocolate was buy one get one free in the supermarket. Fucking result!

I also understand that, as one of the minimum-wage jobsworths who usually receive these complaints, it is not the fault of the person who receives the email, so I try and keep the tone light.

This is what I sent to Walkers:

A sad, sad thing happened today.
I opened my packet of Salt and Shake, looking forward to the British Potato Goodness, and found it bereft of a Salt Sachet.
As I’m sure you will appreciate, this somewhat ruined my Salt and Shake experience.
It doesn’t work when it’s just ‘And Shake’.

I just wanted to make sure that you know some packets of Salt and Shake are emerging into the world, unable to fulfil their full potential.

 I’ll update you on the results. Finger crossed, cos I really like Salt and Shake and I really, really like free stuff.

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